November 23rd, 2008: The Day My Sister Died

Please take a moment to read the first line of my previous entry.


My sister always had a great memory. Much better than mine, in fact. Many of our arguments were centered on this fact. I believed sometimes that she made some of these memories up. My memory of tonight will fade, just like all the memories of my past. I intend to jot down every thought and happening leading up to tonight's tragedy so that I may remember this night as clearly as possible.
I worked tonight at 6pm. I had a very wonderful night the night before, and I had had little sleep. I woke up and downloaded some episodes of Dragonball Z. I finished Dragonball, and then watched the Bears game. I spent a little while playing basketball in my room, and eventually got ready for work. I had asked my father whether my sister was using the car tonight. My car, a 91 Subaru Legacy, had died a couple of days before, and I was without vehicular transportation. She was using it, so she got ready to take me to work. She went over to her friend Katie Schneider's to pick some of her stuff up I believe, and she left to go get it about 15 minutes before I wanted to leave. I was slightly irritated, but I knew that Katie's house was near enough that it did not matter. She arrived about 5 minutes later than I wanted her to, but I was not very upset. I left the house to go get into the car with her. True to my nature, I trusted her driving, and was dozing off most of the way to the theater. When we arrived, I got out of the car, told her when I was getting off, and that I might get off early and I would let her know, said, "Thank you, see you later," which was very uncharacteristic of me, and left to go work.
I was working my first scheduled booth shift in some time, and the first night one I have worked in months. Kelsey was the closing manager, a redish haired manager who was our strictest enforcer of rules and discipline. Kelsey is a good manager because of this. She does not go overboard, although she occasionally rubs people the wrong way because she does not like telling people what to do. She just barely has it in her, although many would like to believe otherwise.
Upon arrival, there was a group of staffers standing at the managers' station, filling out what appeared to be a quiz or test of some sort. In actuality, it ended up being a survey from some group or student from Purdue. Stephen, a rotund and hilarious Mexican friend of mine, Lauren, a stout worker, and Melissa, a blonde beauty whom I had recently grown attached to were filling them out. Lauren and Melissa's were quite ordinary, but Stephen's was not. His answers were hilarious, as he played on some of the stereotypes about Mexicans. I had not spoken to Melissa in about a week, and while I was delighted to see her, I was wary of her reception. I did not know whether she was miffed at me, whether she had grown creeped out by me, or what had happened to her in the last week. My tendency to flirt at the theater could grow a little rambunctuous, and it was quite possible that she had taken to the hills. I asked Melissa what she had been up to, and she informed me that she had been grounded, and that included her phone. I was, needless to say, delighted, with a small shot of disappointment.
I asked her to come hang out with me upstairs, since she explained that she was going to wait as long as possible before going home to the dungeon. She did, and we talked and chatted while I ran the set. Things went well, and I was feeling pretty good about life. Girls apparently have that effect on you, occasionally.
The rest of work was unimportant. I realized that I was going to get off right about midnight, instead of 1am, so I texted my sister to let her know. She texted me back saying she would be there. We closed at about 12:15am, and she still had not arrived. I texted her, saying, "Where are you?" and started calling her a minute later. I continued calling her nonstop for about 10 minutes because I believed she was rejecting my calls. The phone kept ringing different amounts of time, one ring, two rings, three, three and a half, four. After the ten minutes were up, I called my father. He woke up, his usual grumpy self, and I asked him if she was still at home. He checked her room and checked the garage. She had left. I waited about 10 minutes for her to arrive, and then started calling again. After about 20 minutes, I decided to have my friend Sam Keener take me home. I joked several times that she was probably dead. Little did I know that that was truth.
We started on our journey. I did not pay attention to much, and Sam and I made small talk about work related drama. I was texting my dearest friend, Darla, as we drove. As we neared the intersection of 52 and Morehouse (the road my neighborhood is off of) I noticed many blinking red and blue lights. Sam said, "Well what the hell is this?" My stomach took a small tumble, as I said, "Well maybe she really IS dead." I didn't believe it. I knew it could not possibly be my sister. Sam drove ever closer, and I realized that one of the cars involved looked a lot like my father's. I said as much, and Sam asked if she should park at the gas station on the corner. I said yes, and she did. At this time, we came close enough to see the wreckage. The entire side of my father's car was caved in, centered around the driver side door. The roof looked like a soft top because it was caved really high.
I walked over, unsure of my direction. I walked straight to the car, which had rolled to a stop at about the median, or had been moved there. I took a look at the rear bumper, realizing with horror that the number read 740NDA. I remember this because I always thought it read, 7Honda. My knees began to shake, and I felt the slightest retch from my stomach. A man in an orange vest came up to me, and inquired who I was. I told him that I believed that that was my sister. He asked me to repeat it. I asked where she was. He started gently directing me over to the police officers. I did not, at this point, believe my sister was alive. I knew she had died, because they had no reason to tell me nothing. A very shocked and concerned police officer asked me who I was. I told him my name, and that my sister was the one in the car. They wouldn't answer any of my questions, but instead asked me many. Sam called to check and see if she could do anything, but I did not believe that she could, so I told her to go on home. The police officer took me home, and I went to get my Dad. He was not dressed, so I asked him to get dressed. I fought the dogs inside the room and shut the door. He asked where she was. I told him that Kate had gotten into a wreck. He asked if she was ok, and I told him that I didn't believe so, and that the police officers wouldn't let me know. I told him that they were waiting outside as he asked where they were.
The policeman chose his words very carefully. His position was surely almost as emotionally charged as ours, as he attempted to put aside his feelings of sympathy and tell us what we needed to know while bound by legal duty and without angering a once renewed grieving family. He told us that he had been in the back of the gas station and heard the wreck, and that the investigation was in progress but that he had his suspicions and that the man, who had survived, as I thought, "Thank God", was possibly drunk.
We thanked them and let them go to their duties, I'm sure with heavy hearts. My Dad called his mother, my aunt Annie, uncle Jim, Steve, and my uncle Larry on my mother's side. He told me to call my brother, David, but I did not know how. He called and told my brother to call him on his cell.
I have had so many thoughts I can't even think about it.
- My brother's father died when he was 12. My mother died when he was 15. Now my sister died when he was 25. How do I tell my brother his little sister died because the car he sold me died, causing her to have to pick me up at 1am on a schoolnight?
- My thoughts are selfish.
- Kate was better than me, she should definitely have been the one alive right now. She had much more drive and gusto for life, and used her talents to a far more use than I.
- I can't go to class tomorrow.
- How soon will I be able to return to normal?
- I'm horribly selfish.
- This is unreal. She was once in a car accident where the car hit on her door, only she was fine. She was really freaked out, and I made fun of her. Her last image was probably his lights right outside her door, like on that insurance commercial.
- What will Mel think? What will Ami's reaction be? How much and how long will people show unrelenting concern while I shove it away, and as I get better, what will it be like to watch it fade?
- I'm the most selfish person ever born.
- She didn't deserve this.

Story of My Life

My car died several days ago. The battery died (as usual, I have a sensor problem which says that my doors are open at all times), so I had my father attempt to jump it. Nothing. So I sent it into Bob Rohrman's Subaru. They said my alternator was dead. I had changed my battery two months prior. Anyway, they fixed it... for $500. I went to pick it up today. They told me it had started and ran fine without jumping. I knew otherwise; I signalled for Drew to come over. Indeed, the car had no power. I had Drew jump me, and we went over to the Mall. We were there for about a half hour. I come out, insert the key, and there is no power. So I have Drew jump me again, and spend a minute fashioning a way to make my sensor stop saying my doors are open, using two pennies and some electrical tape I found in one of the compartments in the back. I went to class. And hour and a half later, at our break, I go outside to test it. There was some power, but not enought to start the engine. I have Drew come jump me at the end of class. I figured this would be the end of it at least for now. I drove the 30 minutes back home, only to get stopped short. Thirty feet from the entrance to my neighborhood, I press the gas and nothing happens. I press it again, and my car slows down and the lights dim. I start to panic. I turn the key off, and attempt to turn the car back on. Nothing. So I switch into neutral as I turn into my neighborhood without lights... I let it coast as far as it could go, but ended up having to get out and push my car to my house. Fuck them bitches, fuck them hos!

I don't feel very high on life right now... I haven't heard from Ami in over a week, although the last 3 or 4 days I have tried to get ahold of her to no success. I haven't heard from a couple different people very much; no one seems to want to answer messages these days. I basically have 3 friends and everyone else is treating me pretty poorly. Whatever, it's all good... just keep swimming...

The Bears lost to the Titans yesterday. They were never really in control of the game at all, despite the defense completely shutting down the run. I don't really feel too bad about that loss, except that Grossman looked so terrible. He clearly cannot function at this level. On top of that, in fantasy I got completely smacked down by an epic day from Jake's team... I had a pretty big down day and still scored 85... but that doesn't matter when your opponent puts together 135. I'm 6-4 now despite being the leading scorer...

We played quite a bit of football yesterday, much to my delight. It has been too long since I have done anything physical at all, and I am pretty sore today as a result. My cold is also still present, although that is only a big deal at certain times of the day.

Ode to Joy

First off, Drew wanted me to say that he wrote a note detailing some of the things I will say, but Facebook rudely interrupted and erased his note. Just wanted to get that out of the way.I'm kind of glad that things turned out the way they did last night. I voted for neither John McCain nor Barack Obama. I believe that neither of them was worthy of a vote, and I do not believe in "holding my nose and picking which one stinks less." I am glad that Barack won for several reasons, however. First of all, and maybe most important, I believe it important that we get the first AA (African-American) president out of the way. And yes, I say it in this manner. It's really quite pathetic that people label this as a huge leap forward socially that we finally elected an AA president because it shows that it's still an issue, and therefore we are not as socially forward as people would like to believe. We are still horribly backwards socially, and now that we have this out of the way, maybe we can focus on ability and the issues instead of how amazing it is that we now finally have an AA president. Secondly, I think it was very important that the country made it's decision so soundly, and that there was no controversy. This will make Obama's actions hopefully much easier to make, although I believe that in reality they won't, and even if they do, that they will be his downfall. However, I wish him luck, and hope that he is a great president.Let's talk about some of the issues that I deem important. I'm mostly interested in our economy. I really want someone, anyone, to give me a single example in all of history that socializing and regulating business has helped a nation's economy. How is it a good idea to socialize medicine? Ask a Canadian how they feel about it. When they are actually ill, in nearly all cases they come running across the border into our country. Why? Because private medicine works. Competition forces doctors to be competent, and allows them to force people to pay money to them so that they can actually afford better medicine, better equipment, better facilities, more research, and a healthier, better way to stay and get healthy. Now, however, Canadians may not be able to search out better health. Also, maybe you idiots who believe that regulating this or any other industry is a good idea should ask someone from Iceland how they feel about it. Iceland just went bankrupt a little while ago, and this was almost entirely because Iceland's government attempted to control business and save the economy. Again, competition makes business work, and government interference only hurts the economy, not helps it. Welfare is also very important to me. It's a subject of dire importance. We are creating a WS (Welfare Society) that simply drags and drains on our economy. All of you who believe in taxing the rich and giving to the poor, consider this. There was an article in a newspaper I read awhile back which intended to show that Barack will save lots of people who aren't making it. However, it did the exact opposite for any intelligent reader. In this article, this family of three was interviewed regarding their welfare status. There were two daughters in their late twenties and early thirties living with their mother who was almost sixty. All three were beneficiaries to welfare, and none of these three had ever held a job in their lives. They were each around 5’4” and weighed at least three hundred pounds. These three were not making it in their eyes, and were eagerly supporting Obama, hoping that their lazy lifestyle could be maintained by the peoples’ choice for our Messiah. They were complaining because their welfare could not cover their ice cream anymore. Do I really need to explain this?This is what needs to happen with welfare. We need to enforce some kind of incentive to get off of it. I am all for helping out someone who lost their job, or for helping those who are disabled and actually can’t work. However, there needs to be a time limit. This is essential to force people to look for a job. Yes, it can be difficult, indeed, impossible in some circumstances. However, force someone to get a job because their handouts from other people are drying up, and they will find a way to get money. Yes, this will increase crime. However, this will also in itself help our economy by creating jobs in the police force. I know this is probably impossible to enact, and the dangers it represents probably outweigh the benefits, but I feel it’s important to force people to do something with their lives. However, I will concede that this just may not work. However, I have another idea which is much easier to enact if we don’t have a time limit, so thus I am willing to yield on the former idea. We must take away voting power from those who are on any kind of welfare, even those on disability. In today’s society, it is unbelievably easy to find jobs which require no manual labor, as we move more and more into a service, rather than goods, economy. People who are stealing money from those who actually work should not be able to vote in more handouts. Plain and simple. The way Obama and other politicians look to gain more votes from WS is sickening, and dangerous for our overall economy. People need to realize that the ability to live is not a right, and that one must actually attempt to swim, or maybe they should just drown. How can anyone deny that this is true? Your bleeding hearts are also bleeding mine and everyone else’s wallet, and is a huge detriment to our national health in many, many ways. I really hope everything works out with Obama. I hope all our dreams come true and he becomes a great president. I really do. But he is set up for failure in so many ways. The many failures of the Bush administration must be dealt with. He made so many promises to so many different groups of people, that he will both not be able to go far enough to please most of them, and will alienate so many people by reaching out to them. This is true of every politician, but especially so of Obama. I wonder how many college students who are so excited by this radical change will still be so pleased by it when they come out of college into a recession turned into depression by Obama and our Democrat majority (how a %12 approval rating from a democrat majority Congress gains more seats is beyond me, they steered us here, and are about to go crazy with handouts). When the economy is not flowing, you do not enforce government control. Has anyone studied history or economy in their entire lives? How are people so blind to this? Also, I am becoming terribly afraid for our national security. I hope Obama is ready for an international crisis early in his term, because there are many surely to come. Even before he is in office, we may have a huge situation on our hands. Israel is terribly afraid of Obama and the stance he will take with Israel, and as a result, may view our electing Obama as us abandoning them and elect this crazy militant who will almost assuredly cause Israel to attack Iran, and possibly cause a war with a very real possibility of causing World War 3 and also the ever-present threat of nuclear warfare. Man, I wish people paid attention to what was actually going on in the Middle East. Those militant assholes will not rest until Islam is spread to all corners of the world and the Western Powers are destroyed. Even if Israel does not attack Iran in the coming months, there is still the threat of terrorism again on the horizon. You think their ecstatic celebrations over Obama’s electing are because they will be happy with how Obama treats them and they will find peace with us? You don’t know a damn thing about their culture if you do. They will be happy with how he treats them, because they will be able to get away with so much that they could not before, and Obama will either not act strongly enough or do nothing by voting present while in the Executive office. When people start dying, Obama is not going to have any other answer other than, “Those are real bad men.” Please forgive me for leaving out his stuttering. I hope for the best. I hope all the demonstrations from the Arabs in the Middle East are all show, and that they will not attack or cause havoc. I hope that our economy somehow recovers and we become the first example in history of an economy doing well while instituting socialism. I hope. As so many others do without really considering the repercussions of yesterday’s election. And this is NOT an endorsement of John McCain.

A Fun Weekend

These last couple of days have been pretty intense. Friday night I worked until 3am. I was booth, so it wasn't really that bad. Closing with Kelsey was fun, too. I haven't worked with her in a long time. Ami got attacked by the Purdue football team which I thought was really funny, since I didn't actually see it. I missed all the Halloween festivities, but since when was that kind of socializing my thing? After the game, Drew came over and we played some Fable 2.

Saturday I went out and took care of some things I needed to take care of. I came back and played some video games with Drew until I went and picked up Jake from the Purdue game. We came back and played more video games as I prepared for Sunday.

Sunday was one of the more fun days I have had in a really long time. Jake and I left a little bit before noon to go to Indianapolis. We made it there and got parking right on top of the stadium for $25. We beat the cops by 5 minutes, as they closed off the road we came through to get to our parking. We then walked down to the Circle Center mall. We taste tested in a giant circle for about a half hour, filling up on free tastes, lol, then went upstairs to the arcade. We watched some Bears and played a few games, then left. We went to Hooters and watched some more football while eating wings for an hour or so. We then left and Jake taste tested some chilli on the way back towards the game. We checked out hte handouts at the tailgating and debated getting our faces painted, saying on Jake's face, "Boiler Up", and mine, "Bernard Pollard", since the Colts were playing the Pats, who lost Tom Brady because Bernard Pollard hit in the knee. We then tailgated with Jake's aunt and her Chevy exec bf, who got us much much better seats at the game. Eventually we got to the game, which was amazing. The game was very intense, and the stadium was amazing. I ate soooo much food. I might never eat again, lol.